I hope he stays
by jesmondo
Summary: Post-Mockingjay fanfic, pre-epilogue. Katniss and Peeta decide to go on a journey to visit some close friends and Katniss seems weary about keeping Peeta close. Not a very good description so try it out! :) (first one ever)
1. Chapter 1

Post-Mockingjay

*Katniss POV*

I looked down at the cakes displayed behind the screen of streaked glass in front of which I was standing. There were so many different colours, patterns, and designs. Enough to make my head start reeling. I turned my head to the right and one precious cupcake caught my eye. It was so different from the rest. It was averagely sized, with one delicate sunset-orange coloured flower placed by itself on the top. It was beautiful. I walked towards it and reached my hand out slowly as if to pick it up, forgetting about the glass.

It reminded me of Peeta telling me in the training centre for the 74th Hunger Games that he decorated the cakes at the bakery. Or used to. A lot has changed since then. After the rebellion, Peeta and I reunited, with a mutual feeling of needing each other to survive. He came to me of course because I was grief stricken over the loss of Prim. Although we were not left unharmed. Nightmares haunt us night after night, never leaving us to sleep in tranquillity. We only have each other to confide in about these nightmares because of course, each other is all we have left. And we do now trust one another and we help each other out of these deep, dark dream pits. Although generally we try to keep things positive. I still hunt, Peeta still bakes and we love each other.

"Katniss?" I hear Peeta say and I whip round to where he is emerging from the back room of the bakery. He is wearing his usual white apron that is covered in splodges of white flour and his forearms are the same. His blonde hair which is casually growing out is highlighted as he steps in to the beam of light coming from the boxy window to his left. A small smile escapes me every time I see him and I feel an overriding sense of safety and warmth which I have never felt before in my life, growing up looking after a family not necessarily being cared by one. He stumbles over in his regular manner and gives me a small kiss on the cheek.

"I thought we could walk home together," I say simply, trying to remove the pink-ish blush from my cheeks.

He smiles at me. "I'll just go and clean up a little," he says as he goes back through to the back of the bakery.

I decide to wait outside of the bakery and stand in the chilly May wind. Despite the temperature, today it is sunny with fluffy clouds floating in the smooth blue sky. I'm not waiting long by myself because Peeta comes out of the bakery wearing his black winter coat to guard his body from the wind soon enough and locks up. He grabs my hand and we walk down the street towards my home in silence. We live in the newly built houses where the Seam used to be in District 12. Even though Peeta has a house and I have a house, we tend just to live in mine. It is not a long walk from the bakery which Peeta runs is in the central square of the district where only a few shops are situated, mostly because it is not long after the war. Once out of the central square and on to the quiet path that leads to our homes-ours being mine, Peeta's and Haymitch's-Peeta begins to talk. He doesn't like to talk to me about a lot of things unless we are by ourselves. I think the idea of the Capitol watching and listening to us constantly still lingers in his head. Even though that thought is extremely unlikely, now that there is a new government and District 12 is hardly full of secrets. Peeta gives my hand a strong squeeze, distracting me from my thoughts.

"Katniss, I was thinking, I mean... You might not like the idea and you don't have to say yes and-"

I sigh and interrupt him. "Peeta please, just say what you want to say. I trust your opinion," I say and manage to give him a helpful smile.

"Well I was thinking you might want to get out of the district for a while and maybe go to visit someone? It might be good just to get away, just the two of us and we could see Annie and the baby or your mother, even," He stops in the street when he says this, let's go of my hand and looks in to my eyes hoping for an indication of whether I agree or not. I notice that he didn't mention Gale.

"I suppose, I mean it might be a good idea," I mutter. I am especially thinking about Annie. Ever since she returned to District 4 with her new baby boy and without Finnick, people have wondered how she would cope. It seems, from all I have heard, that she sees her son as a part of her and Finnick. And doesn't really seem to of lost him as much as she maybe originally thought.

Peeta's eyes flash with relief. "Oh, Katniss. I'm so glad you think so. There's a train going through the Districts tomorrow and ends at the Capitol the day after. We can catch it mid-afternoon tomorrow." He looks at me with respect and clarity and grabs my hand once again.

"I'm glad we can do something, go somewhere... You know?" He squints through small eyes at me, avoiding the bright sun. Even though I know it's there and shining bright, the chill blowing through the air still gets to me. I shiver and he wraps an arm around me and we begin to walk down the road again to home.

I hope he stays there with me on our trip. To keep me comforted. Warm. Safe. Because I need him.


	2. Chapter 2

Post Mockingjay Ch.2

*Katniss POV*

When I look down at the sturdy, old-fashioned leather suitcase, it looks almost empty. Peeta estimated-after he proposed the idea of leaving yesterday-that we would be out of the district for roughly 4 days and if anyone else looked in my case, they would think I was leaving for one night, maximum. What else would I need though? I have a pair of trousers, two tops and the obvious necessities. I decide to raid my wardrobe further and manage to pack extra outfits, random things I will probably never need on my journey and one special formal outfit that I like in case of emergency...formality? It gives me a feeling of satisfaction when I see that the case is now almost full. I close it, prop it up against the wall of my bedroom and go into the bathroom.

When I pass the mirror hanging on the wall, I notice the burns that occupy my arms. They are less prominent than they once were but they remind me of my time fighting on the rebel side in the Capitol. They remind me of reminding Peeta of everything he once knew, the mutations, Finnick's death, Prim's death, President Snow, Coin... all too much at once. Before I know it, I'm lying on the floor of the bathroom with my face in my hands. Pictures are flying through my mind too fast, pictures I don't want to see. Mostly her. Prim. Why did it happen? A scream escapes my mouth from the pain this is causing on my body. It is nowhere near a delicate, feminine scream but a rather deep, forceful scream and my body twists and turns at odd angles trying to deal with the pain in my stomach and heart. My breathing gets quick and I can feel the beads of tears running down my cheeks.

I stay like this for a few minutes before I hear someone run up the stairs. It's probably Peeta, coming home early from the Bakery to pack up for our journey tomorrow. I try to come back to reality and to fight off these awful images that are in my head. But I can't. They are too real. I sit up and run my fingers through my hair which hangs loose around my shoulders. _'No,'_ they seem to say. _'This is what happened; this is what you must deal with.' _I try to breathe deeper and then look up at the door of the bathroom expecting to see Peeta's concerned face. But I don't.

It's Haymitch.

"You woke me up. I was having a nice power nap then _BAM! _You start screaming and shouting for the boy," he says through a deep, croaky voice. I didn't even realise I was shouting for Peeta.

He grabs one of my arms and hauls me up. I wobble a little but manage to stand almost still eventually. We walk slowly down the stairs and he sits me at the kitchen table and releases his tight grasp on my arm. My head feels foggy and I have trouble thinking about what just happened lying on the bathroom floor. I finally realise that I don't _want _to think about it.

Haymitch bangs a glass of ice cold water down on the table in front of me. Some of the water slops out the sides. "This is still happening? I thought this was over like, a loooong time ago." He has no idea. And I tell him that.

He just sighs and looks down at his hands on the table in front of him. "I heard you're leaving," he says.

I take one large gulp from the glass and it instantly clears my head. "Yeah, only for a few days or so. To District 4 and the Capitol."

"Are you sure this is the right thing to do? Like, seriously sure?" he looks up at me from his hands.

I don't know what to say. Am I sure this is the right thing to do? Will it bring back too many memories for Peeta and I to handle?

I don't get to answer his because at that moment, Peeta walks through the front door. Once he has taken his coat off, he walks through to the kitchen and notices that my cheeks are blotchy from the tears. "What happened?" he asks me then turns and notices Haymitch sitting at the table across from me.

"She was lying on the bathroom floor. Screaming. Shouting for you. I thought this was over, but obviously not," he says and leans back in the wooden chair.

Peeta walks over to me, crouches down on the floor and holds my face in one of his hands. The rough skin that I feel on my cheek comforts me and I can smell the flour that hasn't washed off of his arms. When I look in to his eyes I see the hurt and the sorrow that he feels for me. He feels for me, because I've had a flashback, and he knows the feeling. We know each other. "What was it this time?" he whispers.

"My burns, I saw them in the mirror," I whisper back, with a slight catch in my throat. I turn my face away from his hand and take another drink of the icy water. I don't want to do something silly in front of these to people I trust like cry. Haymitch has seen enough for one day and Peeta has to deal with me too often.

Haymitch groans as he gets up from the chair. "Alright, I'm going to get back now. I see you two are fine without me."

"I'll see you out," I say and follow Haymitch to the door.

Once we are out in the chilly wind and the front door is shut behind me, I turn to speak to Haymitch who is halfway down the porch steps. "I don't know," I say.

"What?" he asks as he turns around to look back at my still-tear-stained face.

"I don't know if this is the best idea. To go away, I mean," I glance up the street to see if anyone is listening in on our conversation, but of course, no one is there. "But we won't know unless we go."

Haymitch looks at me with a sort of regret for asking me in the first place. He shrugs then walks off down the steps and towards his house and I keep watching until he escapes in to the tranquillity of his home.


	3. Chapter 3

Post Mockingjay Ch.3

*Katniss POV*

When I walk back in to my house, I immediately feel comforted by the warmth and I finally begin to realise how cold it was outside. Well, it is late evening in May...

I can smell warm bread and I know it is Peeta toasting rolls he made today in the oven to go with our stew for dinner. When I walk back through to the kitchen, he doesn't see me and I don't make my presence known. I just look at him while he is working. Others might class this as awkward staring-and the more I think about it, it probably is-but I am fascinated by the way he works.

Suddenly I remember the last time he had a flashback. It was right there, where he is standing now and he was cooking some cheese sauce for us to dip our freshly baked bread rolls in to. When I thought all was well, it actually wasn't. He looked so calm and then suddenly his whole body tensed and you could see his shoulder muscles stick out from under his thin, linen shirt more than usual. Suddenly he lifted the pot from the gas and threw it against the wall and the cheese sauce started dripping down the wall in a glue like consistency. All this time I was seated at the table, careful not to attract any attention to myself until this was over. He then stumbled over to the sink and gripped on to the edges. His breathing suddenly slowed and he then turned to look at me. His face was bright red from the anger he felt at himself while in the flashback and streaked with tears.

I decide to take a seat at the table, which catches Peeta's attention and he turns from the pot he is stirring.

His eyes are warm and comforting like the food he is cooking and he smiles a sweet, crooked smile. I suddenly break in to conversation before I start thinking about his flashbacks again.

"Did you make them today?" I ask, nodding my head towards the rolls almost finished in the oven while taking a seat at the table.

"Yeah, I em... There was some left over from today's batch," He says cautiously, he obviously remembers the flashback too now.

We don't speak for another few minutes until the dinner is on the table in front of us. I realise I am starving and start eating vigorously.

"Have you packed?" Peeta asks me.

"Yes, I did it before-" I stop myself. _The flashback, that's what happened._

"Okay, I'll do my stuff after dinner," He says. He knows what I meant. I feel thankful that I didn't have to say anything about my incident.

Once we are finished, I clean up all the remains and go up to my room. Peeta went back to his house to pack because all of his things are at his own house.

My house is empty now, and I don't like it.

I walk into the bathroom and notice the mirror again. I hate it. Seeing my reflection all the time. It makes me angry, seeing the scars that have marked my whole body, the scars from the war that killed my sister. I grab a large bar of rose scented unused soap (that I would've probably never used anyway) and throw it, full-force against the mirror. It makes one huge crack through the middle, enough to distort my reflection but not big enough to let bits of glass fly off and injure me. As if I need to be injured more. A win-win situation, I would say.

I get ready for bed, thankful that the mirror is now broken, and walk back to my bedroom. I can see Peeta's house from the window and I can see the light from the bedroom. It sends out a warm glow and it reminds me of Peeta himself. He always seemed to have a warm glow to himself in comparison to my burning fire. Suddenly, the light goes out and I know that he will be coming back over. I climb in to my bed and snuggle under the thick duvet and fall in to a half-sleep, where I am aware of my surroundings, but kind of sleeping.

I notice Peeta coming into my room and going in to my bathroom to get ready for bed. Thankfully I hear no outburst of horror over what I had done to the mirror; the more I think about it, he probably expected it.

I notice when he comes back in to my room and climbs in to my bed. I feel the weight on the mattress shifting and then his arms sliding around me. I am facing his chest and I can smell his usual comforting scent.

We fit in to each other like jigsaw pieces.

I feel him kiss my forehead then I fall in to a blissful, dreamless sleep.


End file.
